Where there’s brokenness, there’s also hope. It’s been when I feel the most despair, loneliness, wandering…that I feel hope closest to me. Because in those moments there’s so much possibility of what can become.
…what can be better, what can repair, what can heal.
After my first marriage and the collapse of our world into a heap of ugliness, questions, and darkness a few years ago, it was a time of deep despair and great hope, all at once.
Although I couldn’t “see the light”, I knew it was there. I had sincere hope and knowing that it would eventually reveal itself. Eventually.
It’s that almost-tormenting in-between time where you grieve and wait and writhe and wallow that hurts so much.
…those times when you’re sick of the sight of yourself because you can’t stand seeing your own tears anymore.
…when crying becomes your way of life for awhile because the tears and pain have built up so forcefully that you just can’t pick when they will spill down your face. It’s in those times you know who accepts you most fully because they will look past the tears and not try to dry them. They know how much they need to come. Tears exist for a reason. They’re cleansing, cathartic. They’re washing your soul clean.
Sometimes…even though you fight like a warrior not to…you have to feel the pain of that lost relationship, that lost friendship, that lost whatever-it-is. Because only then can you move past it. Maybe the tears are symbolic of washing away of that past, that part of your life that caused you so much damage.
Let the tears come when they come. If you try to stop them, they have this way of being unstoppable later when you least want them to appear. They’re very inconvenient and they might start to trickle in the grocery store (that happened), church (there too), or even your child’s basketball game (God help me, it happened).
Tears are sneaky and necessary and horrible. They make our noses red and our eyes look like a road map. They sting and burn and puff us up. But just like rain, the tears give way to sunshine, to light. To clearer vision and cleaner souls and real happiness.
If tears are coming hard and often, hang in there. Please hang in there. Grab your closest friend who will hold you or stay on the phone or FaceTime you through the worst spells. Exist in it. Learn from the tears and the reasons they come.
Talk to someone, a friend, a pastor, a therapist, me. Reach out. Read. Educate yourself…on relationships or emotions or the best course to achieve your biggest dream.
Make plans. Plans for this afternoon. For tomorrow. For next year. Plans that will make your life, your you feel better and be better. And do one thing every day that will move along your plan to reach your biggest dream.
After the tears, comes the action. The new life, the new meaning, the new people, the new happiness. Hang in there for that. Because that’s coming. And it’s worth the wait.
You are loved, no matter what,
Do you like what you’re reading? I’m here to encourage and offer hope to everyone, especially those who have (like me) suffered the pain of an abusive relationship. It is my desire that you will feel welcome and comfortable here as I write about feelings, relationship issues, and even offer some fun giveaways from time to time. I’d love to have you subscribe so you will get an email (and just one!) when I post so you don’t miss anything. Look to the right column for a box to pop in your email and it’s that easy!
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