Abuse and Self Care, Encouragement

The Value of Tears

Where there’s brokenness, there’s also hope. It’s been when I feel the most despair, loneliness, wandering…that I feel hope closest to me. Because in those moments there’s so much possibility of what can become.

…what can be better, what can repair, what can heal.

After my first marriage and the collapse of our world into a heap of ugliness, questions, and darkness a few years ago, it was a time of deep despair and great hope, all at once.

Although I couldn’t “see the light”, I knew it was there. I had sincere hope and knowing that it would eventually reveal itself. Eventually.

It’s that almost-tormenting in-between time where you grieve and wait and writhe and wallow that hurts so much.

…those times when you’re sick of the sight of yourself because you can’t stand seeing your own tears anymore.

…when crying becomes your way of life for awhile because the tears and pain have built up so forcefully that you just can’t pick when they will spill down your face. It’s in those times you know who accepts you most fully because they will look past the tears and not try to dry them. They know how much they need to come. Tears exist for a reason. They’re cleansing, cathartic. They’re washing your soul clean.

Sometimes…even though you fight like a warrior not to…you have to feel the pain of that lost relationship, that lost friendship, that lost whatever-it-is. Because only then can you move past it. Maybe the tears are symbolic of washing away of that past, that part of your life that caused you so much damage.

Let the tears come when they come. If you try to stop them, they have this way of being unstoppable later when you least want them to appear. They’re very inconvenient and they might start to trickle in the grocery store (that happened), church (there too), or even your child’s basketball game (God help me, it happened).

Tears are sneaky and necessary and horrible. They make our noses red and our eyes look like a road map. They sting and burn and puff us up. But just like rain, the tears give way to sunshine, to light. To clearer vision and cleaner souls and real happiness.

If tears are coming hard and often, hang in there. Please hang in there. Grab your closest friend who will hold you or stay on the phone or FaceTime you through the worst spells. Exist in it. Learn from the tears and the reasons they come.

Talk to someone, a friend, a pastor, a therapist, me. Reach out. Read. Educate yourself…on relationships or emotions or the best course to achieve your biggest dream.

Make plans. Plans for this afternoon. For tomorrow. For next year. Plans that will make your life, your you feel better and be better. And do one thing every day that will move along your plan to reach your biggest dream.

After the tears, comes the action. The new life, the new meaning, the new people, the new happiness. Hang in there for that. Because that’s coming. And it’s worth the wait.

You are loved, no matter what,

signature Melanie in aqua color




Do you like what you’re reading? I’m here to encourage and offer hope to everyone, especially those who have (like me) suffered the pain of an abusive relationship. It is my desire that you will feel welcome and comfortable here as I write about feelings, relationship issues, and even offer some fun giveaways from time to time. I’d love to have you subscribe so you will get an email (and just one!) when I post so you don’t miss anything. Look to the right column for a box to pop in your email and it’s that easy!

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  • Reply Jess Benoit November 30, 2016 at 1:20 pm

    This is such a great post. I don’t cry that often, but when I do, it’s for a good reason & it all comes pouring out. I see no shame in crying and I do believe it helps us focus afterwards on what the next step could be.
    Jess Benoit recently posted…Satisfy ALL of Your Coffee Cravings with the Ninja Coffee Bar SystemMy Profile

    • Reply melaniespickett@gmail.com December 19, 2016 at 8:14 pm

      Really wise, Jess. Sometimes the tears can wash away some things and make things clear indeed.

  • Reply Debbie November 30, 2016 at 8:37 pm

    My life is in a bit of an mess right now, so this was a timely post. I do cry..a lot. Sometimes it is just what I need to clear my head and try to move on.

    • Reply melaniespickett@gmail.com December 19, 2016 at 8:13 pm

      Debbie, I’m really sorry you’re struggling. I have a lot going on right now too, lots of stress and tears have come. I’ll be praying things improve for you!

  • Reply Laura Starner December 1, 2016 at 2:09 pm

    Beautifully written. Our tears do come for different reasons and sometimes they help us say good bye to the old, welcome the new, reflect our pain, joy or just bring a cleaning of the soul.

  • Reply Lori Ferguson December 1, 2016 at 4:24 pm

    I really appreciate your affirmation that our tears have value. We forget sometimes that we need that relief, and processing of emotion – and that it takes time to wail, and cry out those bitter disappointments and fears. But I also agree with my whole heart that then it’s time to make plans. (Even if that plan is a small one right now.)

    • Reply melaniespickett@gmail.com December 19, 2016 at 8:11 pm

      So true, Lori. There’s a time to weep and then a time to pick ourselves up and get going.

  • Reply Wendy Munsell December 1, 2016 at 5:29 pm

    I have learned to stop fighting the tears… to embrace them even. Ann VosKamp recently wrote, “Tears are never a sign of weakness. Tears are always the sign of an open heart.” Yes, and amen! May our hearts continue to open to our Savior and Healer.

  • Reply Bonnie Lyn Smith @ Espressos of Faith December 1, 2016 at 6:19 pm

    Wow…so good! I love the hope you focus on! I cry in Walmart….same Walmart almost every time…it’s where I found out my father’s cancer came back. Just beautiful! Shared in several places! Blessings!
    Bonnie Lyn Smith @ Espressos of Faith recently posted…When Holidays Are PainfulMy Profile

    • Reply melaniespickett@gmail.com December 19, 2016 at 8:09 pm

      Oh, Bonnie, isn’t it something when a place or a song can elicit such memory and emotion? Thank you so much for your support!

  • Reply Joanna Alonzo December 1, 2016 at 10:11 pm

    Sometimes, you just have to submit to the healing process and let the pain pass through you. There’s no going around it at times. Thanks for sharing this.

  • Reply bianca Nunez December 3, 2016 at 4:35 pm

    such a wonderful post if we keep everything in , sometimes it can kill you . But letting everything go helps .

  • Reply Ashley December 5, 2016 at 12:05 am

    This is definitely a great post. Very personal, inspiring, and touching. Sadly, i’m the opposite way — I avoid tears like the plague. It’s uncomfortable for me to cry, if that makes sense. It physically hurts – migraine, stiff neck, stomachache… but also, I just don’t like doing it. Don’t get me wrong, I’ve cried plenty of times, probably more the past 7 years than I did my entire life… For a lot of people, I know crying really does help, as they can get their emotions, frustration, sadness out and then move on or at least try to. Wish it was like that for me, it just isn’t…

    • Reply melaniespickett@gmail.com December 19, 2016 at 8:07 pm

      Ashley, I totally get the physical aspect of crying. It really can make you feel sick. I get the same way, headache and stomach pain. All my stress goes to my stomach. As long as you’re dealing with life in a healthy way, you’re doing great!

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