Abuse and Self Care, Encouragement, Health, Life Is Beautiful

You Matter. Period.

You’re sitting at a coffee shop with three of your closest girlfriends, chatting, catching up, enjoying some laughs.

Statistically speaking, one of the four of you beautiful women will experience abuse at the hand (or mouth) of an intimate partner at some point in your precious lives.

One of the four of you. 

And that one blessed friend has a high chance of being sexually assaulted by that same partner.

And that same lovely woman will very likely never tell you that any of it is happening. She will hide her pain because she’s afraid. She’s ashamed. She’s humiliated. She feels powerless, worthless, hopeless.

One of these four amazing women who has endured domestic abuse will attempt to take her life. (Suicide.org)

Are you that person?

Are you the one at the table painting on a smile and pretending all is well?

Are you the one who’s secretly envious of your friend’s relationships? Do you cry at church when you see a husband tenderly reach for his wife’s hand because you no longer remember what that feels like and you’re pretty sure you’ll never feel it again?

Do you melt at the slightest compliment from anyone because you’re so used to negative words that bring you down–and positive words that lift you up are so rare but something you desperately crave?

Do you go to sleep (on the nights you actually can  sleep) wondering how you got to this place in your life and why you deserve it?

You don’t deserve this. No one does.

Your life matters.  You are needed.

Please don’t believe that losing your life is the end to your pain.

Leaving this world is not an escape. You will leave behind too many people who love, care for, and need you. You simply cannot go.

You have so much to offer this world. You’re still here because you’re supposed to be. Your life maters. You matter. You are needed and special and amazing.

 

Please reach out to someone if you’re in the midst of a battle like this. Please don’t feel humiliated to the point you just can’t talk about it and ask for help. Please don’t feel like you asked for this so this is your destiny. It’s not.

Please don’t buy the lie that you deserve this treatment. Even if you chose this man, you did not choose this abuse.

God does not approve of your abuse, even if it’s within a marriage.

You need to be safe. Your children need to be safe.

I can’t encourage you enough to please reach out to someone you trust. Your sister. Your best friend. Your pastor. Your doctor. Your therapist (if you don’t have one, seek one out as soon as possible. Don’t be afraid of finances as often they will charge based on ability to pay). Reach out to someone you can trust and talk about what’s happening and how you can find safety.

You are a statistic. So am I. We are in the one in four who are abused.

Do not be one of those who take their lives. It is not a solution. It causes pain and devastation for those left behind and keeps the cycle going. Be part of the statistic of those who survive and thrive. Join me in the number of those who live to tell their stories and encourage others and offer others hope. Join me in starting a new, better, healthy cycle.

Do not leave us!

You are not alone. There is help. You have hope. Grab hold of it!

I am praying for you. Share with me how I can specifically do so if you feel led to reach out in that way.

Here are some resources for you. Just because October was Domestic Violence Awareness Month doesn’t mean we stop talking about it now that we’ve moved into November.

No More (Look for the quick escape button so you can leave the site in an emergency)

The National Domestic Violence Hotline or call 800-799-7233

There is hope,

Melanie Pickett

 

 

 

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25 Comments

  • Reply Mary Hill November 2, 2015 at 6:44 pm

    This is my journey as well. I share with others about it on my blog. I know what is like to pretend all is okay through a fake smile. I hope you will stop by and read my posts too. I am free of abuse today though because God rescued me. Here is a link to one of my posts. I have written many and included links to others in this post as well:

    http://maryanderingcreatively.com/finding-hope-in-sea-tides/
    Mary Hill recently posted…Stop the Diet: Book Review & Giveaway!My Profile

    • Reply melaniespickett@gmail.com November 2, 2015 at 9:34 pm

      Hi Mary! I’ll definitely check out your blog. I’m so thankful you’re free of the past abuse.

  • Reply brianna November 2, 2015 at 6:53 pm

    Yes! So good sister friend! Your story matters! Mine too..not for ourselves but for the good of others. 🙂

    http://unveiledandrevealed.com
    brianna recently posted…Why you (and your spouse) should attend a Marriage Encounter WeekendMy Profile

  • Reply Sarah Koontz November 2, 2015 at 8:58 pm

    What a beautiful message of hope and faith for women who feel alone. They are not alone. Thank you for embracing your role as an advocate, Melanie. The world needs more people like you!
    Sarah Koontz recently posted…Lessons Learned from the Spiritual Giants of FaithMy Profile

  • Reply Allison Jones November 3, 2015 at 10:03 am

    I love this post. This is a beautiful way to reach those that don’t see their worth. You probably rescued quite a few women from domestic violence just by writing it and for that, I commend you.

    LiveLifeWell,
    Allison Jones

    • Reply melaniespickett@gmail.com November 4, 2015 at 7:05 pm

      Allison, thank you for your encouragement. If I can help even one person that would be wonderful!

  • Reply Jenn November 3, 2015 at 10:38 am

    This is such a beautiful post. And I love posts like these because you never know who will read it and who will be impacted by it. I hope that this reaches the right person at just the right time. It is so hard to believe those statistics – 1 in 4!! It’s a great reminder to not let someone’s “perfect” life deter you from reaching out to them, or sharing your own battles.
    Jenn recently posted…why and how to make a SAHM schedule (with free printable)My Profile

  • Reply Daria November 3, 2015 at 11:23 am

    Thanks for speaking up and out about domestic abuse. I’m a stalking survivor and spread awareness every chance I get. It’s so important to share our stories because we never know who’s going through what and it’s good to always tell the world they are not alone. It encourages them to seek help! Thanks for sharing your story…
    Daria recently posted…3 Reasons You Should Let Go of Drama in Your LifeMy Profile

    • Reply melaniespickett@gmail.com November 4, 2015 at 7:04 pm

      Daria, I’m so glad you’re a SURVIVOR! You’re right, it’s very important to share our stories so others know they’re not alone.

  • Reply Krystal // The Krystal Diaries November 3, 2015 at 9:27 pm

    What a beautiful post and I hope this message reaches everyone who needs to hear this.
    Krystal // The Krystal Diaries recently posted…There is Good in Every DayMy Profile

  • Reply Sherry Carter November 3, 2015 at 9:45 pm

    Such a tender, encouraging post, Melanie. I have never experienced abuse but I have been in a deep pit of despair that almost destroyed me. Your sensitive words lift my heart. We are never alone! God is with us and He uses sweet people like you to remind us of His love.

  • Reply Walter Kahler November 4, 2015 at 6:27 pm

    Melanie your message, hope and the solution will help many women who need the pertinent information you have provided. I was touched, moved and inspired by your love for other sufferers. Thanks for sharing the importance of choosing hope over suicide. GBY and keep sharing this with others.

  • Reply Catrine O’Conroi, the King David Project November 4, 2015 at 6:55 pm

    Thank you for sharing a very important post. God bless you.

    (Shared on Twitter!)

  • Reply Deb Palmer November 4, 2015 at 8:01 pm

    I will share this powerful post and pray it will help someone. Thanks for your heart and gift of sharing.
    Deb Palmer recently posted…Dance Before the Lord with All Your MightMy Profile

  • Reply Kristi Miller November 5, 2015 at 1:40 pm

    I was that person. More than once. 🙁 But thankfully I had people with your heart and passion for helping others that God utilized to pull me out of that cycle of brokenness. Thank you for sharing this. You don’t know how many people is using you to heal and guide to redemption. <3
    Kristi Miller recently posted…Does Your Mirror Reflect Jesus?My Profile

    • Reply melaniespickett@gmail.com November 9, 2015 at 10:59 am

      Kristi, thank God you’re out of that cycle. You and your mission are precious and important!

  • Reply Michael and Sarah Chardavoyne December 3, 2015 at 5:47 pm

    Thanks for sharing such a vulnerable topic. I’ve seen this abuse in my life at a young age. I vowed throughout life to never be that guy. Thankfully Christ is a great role model in demonstrating how to be a husband who grows his wife (husbandry) instead of diminish.

    • Reply melaniespickett@gmail.com December 7, 2015 at 7:03 am

      Michael, thank you for not being that guy. There are too many of those guys, I was married to one, and we need more kind people in the world. That’s a great point: Christ is a great role model! 🙂

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