Indicators of a healthy relationship should be easy to spot, but they aren’t always. We often confuse behaviors in relationships…sometimes due to inexperience or unwillingness to see what’s really there.
That can rub both ways: you might not recognize just how great your mate is and end up taking him for granted; or you might not recognize how great he isn’t.
A healthy relationship should be comprised of these 5 things (at least):
Mutual Trust: Once trust is earned and proven, it’s imperative that it not be broken. When trust is lost, it’s a huge battle to restore it, and if it has the potential to even be restored, it’s quite a process getting there. Make sure this mate is trustworthy before putting your trust in them. Trust isn’t automatic just because you meet someone and they haven’t proven untrustworthy. They have to earn your trust (and you theirs) and prove they are trustworthy.
Mutual Respect: There must also be mutual respect. Name-calling, mean sarcasm, and insults of any kind have no place in any relationship. Sometimes it’s hard to hold back from being snarky with a mate. We irritate each other and that irritation is normal. The snarkiness shouldn’t be. Decide at the onset of the relationship on the ground rules that there will be none of that and no low blows. Walk away and take a breather if that saves you from engaging in talk you’ll both regret.
It might seem “normal” or “harmless” to trade barbs, but those things chip away at a person and the relationship. And like trust, once respect is lost or compromised, it is a rough battle to return to full respect.
Mutual Support: A healthy relationship will be one with mutual support. You may not love all of each other’s interests, but if you love the person then make the effort to support their passions, their dreams, their interests, their jobs, their friendships and family relationships…You get the idea.
He might not love your favorite band and you might not love his favorite sport, but once in awhile you can compromise and support the other’s interests. Usually when we have a major interest in something, we want to share that experience with the people we love. Sometimes, it’s just about making the effort.
Supporting each other’s dreams and goals makes a tremendous difference in a relationship. In my first marriage, I had to hide my love of writing. It was scoffed at, laughed at, and clearly not supported. My new husband encourages me, helps me with my blog and anything else I need, and believes in me. That has made all the difference in my pursuit of a writing career.
Having Each Other’s Backs: This goes along with mutual support of goals, likes, careers, and dreams, but it’s an added layer. Imagine, for example. you have some tension in your family and Christmas get-togethers are upon you. The person(s) who always takes pot-shots at you will be in the same room with you.
Your mate having your back in this situation doesn’t mean a brawl or confrontation. It means your partner understands the dynamics of this situation and stays by your side, plays interference if he sees you need a way out, and is ready to kindly combat any negative remarks that come your way, with a glowing remark about you to counteract any negative ones.
I have my husband’s back. That means I’m on his side. I would never contradict or undermine him. If we were to disagree, it’d be a private thing. It doesn’t happen in front of others. We present a united front, supportive of each other completely. I will defend him and recognize his cues. I know him that well and he supports me in the same way. It’s a great feeling, let me tell you, to know someone has your back like that.
Having Genuine Love: Seems obvious, right? When you love someone, they’re a priority. Even though we’re not responsible for the happiness of others, we can definitely contribute to it. And when people we love are happy, it does add to our own joy.
When we love someone, we sacrifice, make healthy compromise, nurture them and the relationship, and truly want the best for them. Just like the “Love Chapter” of the Bible says (I Corinthians 13) we need to be patient, kind, not jealous or boastful, we don’t dishonor or get angry easily. Love – and people who show love – protect, hope, trust, persevere.
Do your relationships possess each of these elements? Ask yourself why not, if they don’t. And what you’re going to do about it. Is this a relationship you want to remain in? Is it safe? Do you feel more sadness than you feel happiness and support?
Watch soon for 5 Signs You’re in an Unhealthy Relationship.
Love brave & live wise,
