Is there a family member who likes to verbally jab you?
Are they passive-aggressive or outright mean to you?
Do they manipulate you or try to guilt you into doing things their way?
Do they try to make you feel guilty or bad for what you’ve accomplished or lay a guilt trip in order to coerce you into doing things you don’t really want to do, or don’t have the time, money or energy to accomplish?
I’m sure all of us could think of at least one time we’ve experienced bullying in our lives. Unfortunately, perhaps we could conjure up repeated times someone has felt free to bully us and it’s probably a fair bet to say that still hurts at least a little and you still remember every detail of that bullying. Why? Because it’s painful. Someone has used ugly words and actions to run you down, to try to gain power over you, to try to pound you down so that they can rise up. Bullying is about the bully trying to keep you down in hopes it will elevate himself.
What bullying actually does is expose who the bully really is: insecure, hurting, and hiding.
What do you think of when when you hear the word “boundaries” in regards to “relationships”?
Do you think of walls going up to keep people out? Or that keep you in?
Do you wonder what “relationship boundaries” even means?
Boundaries in a relationship was once a foreign concept to me too. When I was in the midst of my abusive marriage, a pastor-friend recommended a book about boundaries to me and it was a surprise that such an idea even existed. Since that marriage, I’ve learned (the hard way) that boundaries have to be set in every type of relationship in life: work, marriage, parents and children, siblings, and friends. There must be clear lines for every person you have a relationship with in your life. What this doesn’t mean is that you’re putting up walls and being unforgiving. Absolutely not and quite the opposite, in fact. God calls us to forgive. He calls us to act in love. But He doesn’t call us to be doormats and to allow and enable disrespect and abuse in our lives. After all, God tells us to treat our bodies as if they’re temples; we need to take care of them. Is there anything more special and unique about our bodies than our hearts and feelings?
What keeps abuse victims in the abusive relationships that oppress them so severely?
Confusion: Why has this happened? I must have caused it.
Helplessness: How do I get out? There’s no way out so I must deserve to stay.
Loneliness: No one will ever understand because surely this has never happened to anyone but me. I’m all alone. It’s my shameful secret.
Shame: I can’t tell people how I’m being treated; it’s embarrassing, shameful; something must be wrong with me….