Boundaries and keeping our power are something I talk about often. Heck, I’d preach about them if someone would let me! They’re so important and if you’ve lived without them being within your control, once you discover boundaries and that you have power, both become so very much more important to you.
For most of my life I didn’t even know the concept of boundaries existed. I think unknowingly I believed that I just had to put up with others’ behaviors even if it meant I was the one getting hurt as a result. Of course, I knew certain behavior of others was wrong and it sure felt wrong, but I really didn’t grasp that I could tell them that. Thus, I let “The Other” rule much of my life for a long time. Continue Reading
When I was in college, I had a job through work study on campus. Being a business admin major, I lucked out and got a job in the purchasing office. It wasn’t a lot of hours, maybe less than ten per week, but it put textbook and gas money in my pocket and gave me a unique experience working in a university business office.
It also gave me insight into people. I worked with three wonderful superiors there: Barb, Sharon, and Dale. They were all kind, upbeat, upstanding folks and were happy to teach me. But Sharon, she stood out. I can’t recall her exact title: she had her own office, dressed impeccably, was stunningly beautiful and elegant, a sort-of Sophia Loren of the business world. When she entered the room, everyone noticed. And she was friendly and happy and she was also independent and bold. I took note. Continue Reading
You’ve been hurt, perhaps devastatingly so. You’ve been betrayed or even abused and the relationship has ended.
How do you go on?
I know where you are. I’ve been there in the “in-between” and it can be a nourishing, empowering place.
When I was suddenly and unexpectedly single after my first marriage ended , it was a painful time. I wrote about the “aftermath” and the moving on and I want to tell you about that rich “in-between” period, the one where I was feeling healthy but very much a single mother on my own.
That may have been one of the most enlightening, peaceful times of my life to date. Continue Reading
Today is my wedding anniversary. Collectively, my husband and I have been married nearly 40 years, but only 2 to each other. Although our first marriages did not work out despite our separate efforts to have Biblical marriages, we did learn a lot from those years with other spouses. We learned valuable lessons in what worked and what didn’t, how to be supportive spouses, and that it was right to expect to have a supportive, loving spouse in return.
Marriage is an amazing bond when you do it right. Certainly, I’m not perfect. I will falter. I can’t help it…I’m human. But I do know what it takes to make my husband feel loved and every day I make a decision to do those things. I want him to feel supported, loved, and honored. I once read that a man most needs to feel respected while a woman most needs to feel cherished and I believe in large part, that is true. Here are a few key points I’ve learned that make my husband feel loved.
Treat Him with Respect As I mentioned above, one of the most important things to a man is to feel respected by his wife and family. Once respect is lost by the husband or wife, it’s easy to go in a downward spiral quickly and it’s hard to repair. Speak highly of your husband whether he can hear you or not. If you have an issue with him, discuss it with him, not with your girlfriends. Approach him lovingly and if outside help is needed to resolve the issue, get it. Seek out wise counsel with a pastor or Biblical counselor. But refrain from name calling, even if you think it’s harmless. Be kind to him in his presence and in the presence of others. Express that you expect the same.
Be Supportive of His DreamsWe all have dreams. Some of them may seem silly and unattainable but nevertheless, they’re our dreams. I want support of my dreams, right? What an amazing feeling when someone tells you to chase after it and they offer help in doing so. Be that support for your spouse. Even if you’re simply a sounding board or an encourager, be that if it’s what he needs. If you’re supportive of his aspirations, he will be supportive of yours.
Pray for HimLife is difficult. Men have a lot on their shoulders. Even if we don’t put those things on their shoulders, they pile it on themselves. If you didn’t like a movie he suggested, he takes it a little personally. If you’re struggling financially, often men feel the pressure of that even if they’re working like crazy to turn things around. Pray for him, that he will feel loved, honored, and supported, that God will give him the strength he needs for the day, that he will feel supported and loved at home so when he’s out in the world he can handle daily stress in a healthy way. Pray for him to flee from temptation and turn away from all the things that bombard him in the media. Pray that he will be praying for you and that he’ll honor and cherish you.
What things do you do on a daily basis to make your husband feel special? In what ways do you make a strong effort to support him? On the flip side, what does he do to make you feel cherished and supported?
