It’s Father’s Day this weekend and we all pause to reflect on our fathers, what strength of relationship we had, the lessons we learned, what we can do to honor our dads, whether or not they’re here to celebrate. My dad passed away nearly 11 years ago and I miss him every day. I often reminisce about funny things he did or said or things that made a profound impression on me, formed my character. In honor of my sweet dad on this Father’s Day weekend, I’d love to share with you some powerful things I learned from a genuinely dear, funny, devoted, strong man.
Commitment: Dad knew about commitment. He was a good son and brother before becoming a husband and father. He was faithful to my Mom for over 40 years, until she passed away four months after their 40th wedding anniversary. He had always been a good provider, sometimes working two jobs in the early years of their marriage. He wanted my mom to be able to stay at home with their children and he was willing to work extra to make ends meet so she could be home. He was supportive of her endeavors when she wanted to take classes or learn a new thing. Even though she spent very little on herself, he always slipped her some extra cash, especially at Christmas when she couldn’t decline his gift. He wanted her to be happy, to travel with him someday when they were footloose and fancy free empty-nesters and my dad served proudly in the U.S. Navy during the Korean War, committed to his country.
Financial Responsibility: My parents were the poster couple for fiscal responsibility and good decisions. This in part probably came from them both having been raised during the Depression when you wasted nothing and were thankful for every little thing. Though neither were poor, they both knew what it was like to have to be very frugal and wise and this carried over into adulthood and married life. My parents paid our house off early and though we always had what we needed, we didn’t always get everything we wanted. We learned early on that if we wanted a musical tape (yes, tapes, as in cassettes!), makeup, expensive jeans or shoes, that we’d be responsible for paying for those extras. I started babysitting as a tween and saved my money for the movies, Cedar Point trips with my best friend, cassettes, and all those “extras”. I learned the value of a dollar, developed a great work ethic, and it has resonated every minute since then. My dad was a mail carrier and though I know we weren’t wealthy, they managed to have no credit cards, own nice vehicles, and even saved and purchased a home they used as rental property. They taught us that we don’t need everything all at once, that instant gratification isn’t so gratifying if it means a hefty credit card bill is coming, and to stay away from credit cards completely. And perhaps, most importantly, they faithfully tithed. Every week, I would see my dad make out the tithe check on Friday and set it on a shelf to take to church Sunday morning.
Sense of Adventure: My dad loved to travel. He had wanderlust. Maybe the Navy helped with that. He’d tell me of stories of his travels while enlisted so when we went to Italy this year, it was a little extra special knowing he too had been there. He told of the gondolas and of being “jumped” in the alley outside a bar where “thugs” broke his nose. My dad was never a drinker so I doubt he was looking for trouble, but somehow it found him that night. I still have souvenirs from his Navy travels to Haiti and the Virgin Islands. I knew he dreamed of retiring and traveling with Mom. She wasn’t the world traveler Dad was. He used to joke that she “loved to travel as long as she’s home by dinner.” They each accepted the other’s difference and a few years before Mom’s passing, they’d taken lovely trips to the South and California.
Goofiness: My dad was goofy and it’s one of my favorite things about him. He had manufactured silly laughs and funny cackles. He’d break out into a little “boogie” as he’d call it. He always knew how to make us laugh. He liked to use made-up language and mix words on purpose. Instead of saying “I’m going to take a shower”, he’d say “I’m going to shake a tower.” Just for fun. He was always whistling (something I inherited from him) and everyone loved him. He was a really good friend, gave people too many second chances, and was friendly with everyone.
Bravery and Integrity: My dad was the strongest person in the world in my eyes. He carried the responsibility of a job, a family, church duties, coached my baseball teams, fixed things, and made us all feel safe. He stood up for what was right, loved the Lord, made responsible choices, and raised a strong family. When my mom passed away, his heart was shattered. But I remember standing at her casket looking at Mom for the last time; I was broken, blood-red eyes from crying, fatigued and bereft. Dad put his arm around me and said “It’ll be okay, kid.” And I believed him. When he faced his own passing years later, though I knew he was suffering, he never complained. In fact, I don’t remember ever hearing him complain at any point in his life. He entertained everyone else in his final days. In true form, his spirit gently passed without fanfare, just the way he lived. He went surely and boldly to Heaven and to the long-awaited reunion with his wife, my mom. He left a legacy of love and laughter. I treasure my upbringing and the simplicity of it all. A man and woman fell in love, married and raised a family. He was, as they say, a good man.
Who will you honor this Father’s Day? Is your father here on earth? If he isn’t or you don’t have a relationship with your father, can you “adopt” a dad? Honor someone who has been a father figure, a strong male presence in your life. Let them know what they’ve meant to you.
