Monday? Already? It feels like that this week for me. I just left behind a wonderfully busy week spent preparing to attend a writers conference. When I was there, it was a beautiful thing to be among so many creative minds, full of hope and ambition and ideas, just like me. It will take me many days to process all the valuable information bestowed upon us there and I will delight in every bright minute of that.
It’s been a bit since I’ve done a Mental Health Monday post dedicated to some aspect of healthier living and it felt right that today was a good time to write one. I’m going to share three things you should know about me:
I’m loyal, sometimes to a fault. I asked my daughter tonight what she thought one of my weaknesses is. She contemplated this for a minute. I wanted her to be honest, even if she felt it might sting. I wanted to hear her perception and thoughts. “You’re too giving and too nice sometimes,” she said.
She’s right. I am.
“How can someone be too giving and too nice?” you may wonder. Some of us give too much of ourselves, our resources, our time even beyond when the other person stops appreciating the “gifts.”
I always err on the side of kindness. I know kindness is always the answer. And sometimes, even when I know the person is taking me for granted, I’ll be kind anyway…not because I’m a pushover but because my nature is to be giving and kind. I’ve learned to draw the line now. If someone doesn’t appreciate me and keeps not appreciating me, there are plenty of people I can focus my attention on who will. Understand, this doesn’t mean I ever stop being kind, but it does mean I don’t bend over backwards for someone once they’ve proven my efforts are meaningless to them.
I will not pursue a relationship with you…any more. I have learned a hard lesson about the price of affording someone too many chances. Why do we often so easily give someone repeated chances to hurt us?
Because we believe that one of those times they’ll figure out how to stop being hurtful. Some people don’t ever figure this out. Walking away from this unhealthy pattern does not make you or me the bad guys. It makes us the healthy people who are able to recognize when something isn’t serving us well and then we’re able to set up healthy boundaries. We are meant to be forgiving but we aren’t meant to be doormats. I don’t believe God created us to be mistreated. He created us to love and be loved.
If a person is important to me and they’ve snubbed me once, I overlook it. People get busy. Emails get lost. It’s the life we live.
If a person continues to snub me where there’s no possibility of being overlooked and it’s now an obvious intentional mistreatment, that’s when I have to reevaluate that relationship. I may try once more for good measure, but if someone has hurt me and let me know that it’s their “way or the highway” and they don’t show the respect for me that I’ve given to them, I will retreat into my circle of safety.
My circle is the people I trust: my husband, my children, best friend, and a few other close family members and friends. It sounds like a big circle but it’s not. This is where I’m safe, where I know they have my back and appreciate me. I’ve been hurt far too many times to dole out endless chances and continue to be hurt.
I will move on, not because I no longer care about the person, but because I care enough about myself not to be mistreated any more.
I love to laugh out loud and be silly. I don’t care who’s watching when I do it either. I’m proper and can be as business-like as I need to when I need to be. I’m a lady. I’m also a kid who hasn’t quite grown up. I like playgrounds and kids’ movies and belly laughs. I like to break out into a little dance in the grocery store.
I love adventure and spontaneity. I want to enjoy life from grand adventures traveling across the world to simply relaxing on the beach soaking up the sun and letting the sand fall through my toes. I appreciate and delight in the little things because I know the little things and the big things are equally important and sometimes the little things are the big things.
I love my children and husband and our dogs and some of the best times are spent simply sitting, laughing, and basking in their presence.
I love my life. God is good. He has brought us through a lot and I promise to share with you, in time, what a lot looks like.
Please be encouraged today!
I need your help: If you or someone you know is interested in sharing your domestic abuse story with me, please see the info at my previous post. Be assured your name and details can be changed to protect your identity. My voice is strong. Your voice with mine is stronger still.
