What keeps abuse victims in the abusive relationships that oppress them so severely?
Confusion: Why has this happened? I must have caused it.
Helplessness: How do I get out? There’s no way out so I must deserve to stay.
Loneliness: No one will ever understand because surely this has never happened to anyone but me. I’m all alone. It’s my shameful secret.
Shame: I can’t tell people how I’m being treated; it’s embarrassing, shameful; something must be wrong with me….
Last year was a whirlwind. I mean, 2020 was really something but what in our world was 2021? We added to our family at the beginning of the year with our second pug, Gus. Gus was the runt and of course he was: I always root for the underdog and I’ve always loved the runt. We didn’t pick him so much as he was left by a family who had wanted him and his parents needed to find him a family. That quickly became us. I saw him in a Facebook group and he was black, like our pug Gracie. Black isn’t all that common for pugs so he caught our eyes and hearts immediately. He was two hours away-one way-and my husband quietly told me to say we’d take him, but “don’t tell the kids.”
I’ve spent the past year anticipating turning 50. It’s huge, monumental, and empowering. My 40s started out with a difficult, terrible, painful survival story that grew into a beautiful love story and happiness.
Though my 40s was 20% of my life so far, about 80% of my growth and learning took place during that decade. Here are 10 Things I Learned in My 40s:
Jaime and I became connected by a mutual friend. We share a past experience of being victims of domestic violence, but today we are THRIVERS. Here is Jaime’s story:
October 12, 1998 was supposed to be one of the happiest days of my life, the day that I delivered my second son. My best friend brought me the most beautiful flower arrangement and sat on the end of my hospital bed holding my newborn in her arms, but was also secretly carrying my husband’s child in her womb.