I’m sure all of us could think of at least one time we’ve experienced bullying in our lives. Unfortunately, perhaps we could conjure up repeated times someone has felt free to bully us and it’s probably a fair bet to say that still hurts at least a little and you still remember every detail of that bullying. Why? Because it’s painful. Someone has used ugly words and actions to run you down, to try to gain power over you, to try to pound you down so that they can rise up. Bullying is about the bully trying to keep you down in hopes it will elevate himself.
What bullying actually does is expose who the bully really is: insecure, hurting, and hiding.
Bullying has a pack mentality.
Why? Because the bully is, as stated above, insecure. They need support, backup, cohorts. Think of the bullies you see in movies. There’s usually the scary, mean bully, but he or she is never alone, are they? They have minions, their sidekicks who carry out their orders, do their dirty work, give an “uh-huh” and “amen” to every word the bully spews.
They’re the back-up dancers of bullying.
Bullies need someone to join in and encourage them. Look at what also happens many times in the movies: the minions get fed up or grow some strength and bail on the bully. What happens to the bully? They shrink, reveal their true fear and weakness, lose their steam, and fade into the background. They can’t function alone in a bullying capacity.
People who bully enjoy it. When the group bands together, they enjoy ganging up on someone. It makes them feel powerful and tough. The reality is, they are small and weak. Because only the weak prey on someone, hoping it will make themselves feel and look better. Instead, it’s pure ugliness.
Remember the movie Mean Girls? This is a prime example of bullying, manipulation, insecurity of the bullies, the blind followers, and the pain it all inflicts on the victims.
Bullying is abuse. There is no question.
In most schools there is a zero-tolerance policy in regards to bullying. Bullying that takes place online is termed “cyberbullying” and is punishable by law. Often online bullying seems to be a more “popular” way to bully because there are so many avenues in which to inflict it but also, the bully can have a false sense of security and intimidation; they sit behind a computer screen, a phone or a tablet and say what they want to whom they want and believe this gives them power. They also wrongly believe their words have no consequences. This is a crime.
The bully singles out a person, usually because they are jealous of said person. The person has something the bully desires: a great family, money, attention, excellent grades, or is well-liked or is the loner, a quirky person, anyone a little different as they seem like easy prey. Sometimes the bully simply cannot stand the person who’s kind. Because the bully feels so low about him or herself, they don’t understand why someone would be kind to them and they angrily reject it. It seems paradoxical for sure, but yet it happens.
Looking the Other Way Has a Cost We Can’t Afford
If you, your child, your friend, even the student or adult you don’t really know, is being bullied, please report this! You can do so without fear of retaliation. Report it anonymously. If it’s cyberbullying, get screen shots of the abuse and contact the authorities. If you witness this in person, go to a trusted teacher, principal, guidance counselor or boss. These people in authority have an obligation to protect their students, employees, etc. Write an anonymous letter providing what you’ve witnessed and any documentation you have.
Bullying is never okay. You never asked for it and you certainly don’t deserve it.
Therefore, however you want people to treat you, so treat them for this is the Law and the Prophets. ~Matthew 7:12, NAS.
Remember this: Bullying is all about the bully and nothing about the person being bullied. Something is broken in the bully for him or her to feel it’s acceptable to behave in the way they do.
Bullying can have dire consequences. Victims have been so bullied, so abused, with their lives and abuse chronicled online for the entire world to see. Bullying has destroyed their self-esteem, livelihood, and for some, their very lives. Some victims have reached the brink where they felt suicide was the only way to end the pain. If they’re dead, the bullying stops.
No person should ever be allowed the power to make someone feel as if death is the only relief from their abuse.
Bullies Need Help
A person–bully–who feels free to make another human being’s existence a hell on earth, needs help. Mistreating people and enjoying it is not normal and healthy behavior.
It is a sign of disregard for human life: they don’t value people, they lack the basic compassion we should have for our fellow humans.
They lack a conscience: when healthy people have a cross word with a friend or family member, we feel bad about it. We approach that person and apologize. Bullies don’t. The batter, bruise, and belittle. And they keep doing it. There is no remorse.
It is likely that somewhere along the line the bully was the bullied. While this sounds backwards and one would think the bully would understand the pain and refrain from inflicting it, they may be bullying other people as a misguided way to get back the power they lost when they themselves were the victim.
A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger. ~ Proverbs 15:1
Turn Back the Clock
The effects of bullying can be long-lasting. If bullying occurs in children and teens, the pain often doesn’t end when school does. Bullying is abuse and it sticks with a person. Even if you weren’t bullied, I’m sure you could think of a harsh word, insult or raised voice directed at you at some point in your life that still causes you pain–even a twinge–to this day. If something on the minor end of the scale still bothers you, imagine the pain that carries on from months or years of bullying on a daily basis.
Being kind isn’t that hard. It really isn’t. I’m sure almost all of us were taught that adage “If you don’t have something nice to say, don’t say anything at all.” Why is that such a hard concept to grasp and put into practice? Treat others the way you want to be treated. It doesn’t feel good when someone treats you badly. Why would you want to be responsible for someone’s pain? Stand up when you witness bullying. Stand up for the victim. Stand up against the bully and get help.
There is help and there is hope if only we all stand up and agree it needs to stop. Then work to make that happen.
You are beautiful. You are worthy. You are brave and strong. Don’t ever let anyone tell you different.
Think bullying occurs only at school, in the work place or out in society? Not so fast: unfortunately, there are bullies right inside our comfort zone in our own families. Come back this week when I’ll write about family bullies and how to lovingly deal with them.
