Sharing our personal story brings healing. You can speak your story of an experience of deep hurt that has molded you in some way and affected who you are now. Whatever that experience looks like for you, let me encourage you to tell it in whatever way feels safest.
When I shared my story with you, my readers, it brought up a lot of ugly stuff I had been through. I typed through tears. But I felt compelled to write it and let it be “heard”. I write about redemption and healthy relationships and not-so-healthy ones. What makes you think I’m an authority to speak on those? Well, once you read my story, you had that answer.
Recently, I was asked to speak at a rally for Domestic Violence Awareness Month. I was excited to do that. Excited might sound like a weird way to describe how I should feel about that. Talking about my story of abuse and rape? In front of an audience? Yes. Because to me, that meant more people to reach and to offer some hope to.
Earlier this month, that amazing rally took place. I shared in front of a crowd and was humbled when people thanked me for speaking my story. The sponsor of the event is a champion for women, children, and families in domestic violence situations. They have a ‘Clothesline Project’ which is one of the most powerful visuals of the effects of domestic violence that I’ve ever seen.
The clothesline is lined with t-shirts. T-shirts made by survivors and some made by families of those who didn’t survive. The words on the shirts vary, but all are gripping and have tremendous impact. One t-shirt had a photo of a smiling mother with her two young children by her side. The t-shirt read something like “I didn’t survive. He killed me and left my children without a mother.”
I fought back tears. It was terribly sobering and heartbreaking. That could have been me, I thought. Waves of gratitude washed over me, again and again. I was spared. I am here. I survived.
But not everyone does. Not everyone emerges from abuse alive. A mother approached me before the rally ended and hugged me, thanking me for being there. She told me her adult daughter was murdered the previous month by an abusive ex-boyfriend. I had no words and confessed the same. I hugged her and expressed my sympathy and I knew nothing I could say would offer her comfort.
She said they’d been to the court dates for this murderer and that as she sat in the courtroom, he would look at her and smirk, as if to torment this mother overcome with grief. The victim, her daughter, left three children, now motherless.
This is a face of domestic violence. Her children are the faces of domestic violence.
T-shirts designed with messages from survivors.
I am the face of domestic violence as a survivor.
This month of October is so important. It’s imperative we share what we know about signs to look for so we all can be of help to someone in a bad situation. This is a time when people are more willing to dialogue and be open, and there are numerous articles, posts, and events to help facilitate that awareness and conversation.
This horror needs to stop. No mother should die at the hands of her abuser, someone who likely once pledged to protect and love her. No children should ever be without their parent or carry the burden of having lived in domestic violence.
The Clothesline Project shirts served as a powerful visual statement of what abuse looks like. Photo Courtesy of Shannon Millard, MLive Muskegon Chronicle
No more.
Living in an abusive situation is terribly isolating. You feel you can’t tell anyone, that it’s humiliating and no one could possibly understand. You even fear–especially if your abuser has that perfect public facade–that you won’t be believed. This (and many other things) keep the abused from speaking out and getting out.
If you need help, please seek it in whatever way is safest for you. That might be confiding in a friend, a pastor, coworker, family member, therapist or shelter. Please don’t believe that this treatment is what you deserve. No one deserves to live in fear and angst.
Speaking your story brings healing to others…and to yourself. Melanie Pickett speaking at a rally. Photo Courtesy of Shannon Millard, MLive Muskegon Chronicle
If you suspect someone is in an abusive situation, research. Find out the best way to approach this. And be a friend. And keep being a friend. That consistent, gentle support could make all the difference in allowing the person to feel safe enough to confide in you or ask for help.
We all have a responsibility in this.
If you’ve been abused and are recovering, please don’t buy the lie that you’re damaged goods. There is healing beyond your heartache. The only way is through. There’s no avoiding the healing process. But when you come out the other side, you will shine again and find your way.
There is hope, always hope,
Featured photo is me (on the left) at the rally being hugged by a rally attendee (on the right.) She thanked me for sharing my story and speaking.
