This will round out my three-part post telling My Story. Just like I felt I needed to tell you how we got through those initial days, I want you to know where we are now. (This is long and I can’t apologize. I think in some ways, this third part is the most important of all. It’s my redemption).
It’s important to remember that “That Day” was the worst day, the culmination of years of issues. But nothing prior had rivaled his behavior on that day. Although he’d given me reason to fear him, I couldn’t have imagined that. He wrestled with his own issues that I believe he never sufficiently dealt with and begged him to get help with that, but he wouldn’t.
Note that beginning early into the marriage, the verbal abuse began: nit-picking everything I did, lying to me, infidelity earlier on and then later on again. He wasn’t a partner. He left nearly every household and family responsibility to me, but then would criticize every one of them… Continue Reading
When I was about 10 years old or so I fell in love with roller skating so much so that one year, my parents gifted me with my very own pair of quads. They were white with bright royal blue wheels and blue stripes down the side of each skate boot. The laces matched the wheels. They were my new prized possession. I proudly skated round and round my Dad’s garage blaring my favorite music (an ABBA 8-track tape was in my top five). In fact, I still own those skates. My daughter wore them during the roller skating unit in elementary school gym class. Roller skating is one of my fondest childhood memories, even still.
To my surprised delight, my husband whisked us off to the local roller rink a few weekends ago. It was my first roller skating adventure in about five years and I felt 10 again. I laced up those skates and glided out onto the rink.
The show Submissive Wives debuted on TLC last night. I wasn’t even aware such a show existed until my Facebook news feed became rife with comments about the show and how it infuriated some and nauseated others. Since the show had already begun, I clicked to a later viewing, hit record, and came back to watch it in its entirety. I was interested to see what the rage was about.
The word submission in the writing world is a hopeful and exciting word. It means we’re preparing a piece to be submitted to a blog, publisher, magazine, etc. in hopes of being published. In the context of relationships, however, the word “submissive” often makes people lose their heads. Heated conversations are had. Accusations fly. Marriages are ridiculed. Women are deemed weak. In other words, it brings out the ugly.
Candace Cameron Bure got blasted in recent history for including in her book “Balancing It All”, a snippet about submissiveness in her marriage. There was a cry heard round the worldwide web and I wrote in her defense on BlogHer and to date, it’s one of my most-read posts, in the many, many thousands of reads. Continue Reading
Today is my wedding anniversary. Collectively, my husband and I have been married nearly 40 years, but only 2 to each other. Although our first marriages did not work out despite our separate efforts to have Biblical marriages, we did learn a lot from those years with other spouses. We learned valuable lessons in what worked and what didn’t, how to be supportive spouses, and that it was right to expect to have a supportive, loving spouse in return.
Marriage is an amazing bond when you do it right. Certainly, I’m not perfect. I will falter. I can’t help it…I’m human. But I do know what it takes to make my husband feel loved and every day I make a decision to do those things. I want him to feel supported, loved, and honored. I once read that a man most needs to feel respected while a woman most needs to feel cherished and I believe in large part, that is true. Here are a few key points I’ve learned that make my husband feel loved.
Treat Him with Respect As I mentioned above, one of the most important things to a man is to feel respected by his wife and family. Once respect is lost by the husband or wife, it’s easy to go in a downward spiral quickly and it’s hard to repair. Speak highly of your husband whether he can hear you or not. If you have an issue with him, discuss it with him, not with your girlfriends. Approach him lovingly and if outside help is needed to resolve the issue, get it. Seek out wise counsel with a pastor or Biblical counselor. But refrain from name calling, even if you think it’s harmless. Be kind to him in his presence and in the presence of others. Express that you expect the same.
Be Supportive of His DreamsWe all have dreams. Some of them may seem silly and unattainable but nevertheless, they’re our dreams. I want support of my dreams, right? What an amazing feeling when someone tells you to chase after it and they offer help in doing so. Be that support for your spouse. Even if you’re simply a sounding board or an encourager, be that if it’s what he needs. If you’re supportive of his aspirations, he will be supportive of yours.
Pray for HimLife is difficult. Men have a lot on their shoulders. Even if we don’t put those things on their shoulders, they pile it on themselves. If you didn’t like a movie he suggested, he takes it a little personally. If you’re struggling financially, often men feel the pressure of that even if they’re working like crazy to turn things around. Pray for him, that he will feel loved, honored, and supported, that God will give him the strength he needs for the day, that he will feel supported and loved at home so when he’s out in the world he can handle daily stress in a healthy way. Pray for him to flee from temptation and turn away from all the things that bombard him in the media. Pray that he will be praying for you and that he’ll honor and cherish you.
What things do you do on a daily basis to make your husband feel special? In what ways do you make a strong effort to support him? On the flip side, what does he do to make you feel cherished and supported?
