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Life Is Beautiful

Man’s (And Woman’s!) Best Friend

Not everyone has pets and not everyone wants one, but for those of us who love our animal friends, we can get pretty serious about it. I once read a quote (paraphrasing) that we may have many pets in our lifetimes, but for most pets we are their only humans. I found that pretty profound. Think back to all the pets you’ve had so far in your life. For many of us that will be quite a few. But how many humans has your pet had? The likelihood is that not many or maybe just one…you.

My first-ever pet was a blonde Cocker Spaniel named Brandy. Our family had a bent towards Cockers and it’s no surprise. They’re adorable with those sad, big eyes and floppy ears. They’re generally snuggly and loyal. Brandy was a wanderer. Once in awhile, she’d get free from the yard and I remember my parents quickly deploying my older brothers to go find her. They’d take off on their bikes riding through town calling to her while my older sister and I stayed behind fretting we’d never see our faithful friend again.  She always returned but eventually quietly left us for good a few years later in her old age. But 30-some years since then, I still think of her fondly.

We had two more Cockers after Brandy. Sparky was rust-colored and I claimed him as my own. When he passed away my freshmen year of high school, I sobbed for days.  He had been my canine BFF. Black Buffy came later and favored my sister and when I got married, a black cocker is what we brought home.  Cuddles stayed with us until I was expecting my second baby and in between there, my parents’ dog Lady, had literally stayed by my side through my entire first pregnancy. It was no surprise she then became the self-appointed guardian of my daughter once she was born.

My dear friend Luke came to me quite by surprise. We were in the market for a pup to rescue. I was expecting my son at the time and had a husband who worked nights and I wanted a dog in the house. It made me feel more secure. And I loved dogs. I envisioned this cute, cuddly, tiny little pup. I had him or her all picked out in my imagination. It’d have longer hair and big eyes, much like a Cocker did. We showed up at the vet’s office on a whim after learning they had a puppy who needed rescuing. What we saw was anything but a cuddly, tiny, big-eyed, Cocker-looking puppy. What we did see, however, was a gangly, fawn-colored, six-month-old Labrador-Golden Retriever mixed boy. But he looked at me and I looked at him, our eyes met, and it was all over.

Our lovable Luke

Our lovable Luke

Luke came home and was our staunch protector, faithful friend, strong boy, who at one time put himself between my kids and a much larger, much scarier looking stray dog that came on our property. Oh, how I loved Luke. He was our trusty steed and when he met an untimely passing, I was undone. He had been through so much with me personally…a difficult pregnancy and birth, and he’d loved my Dad who had loved him right back. He was a tie to my father who was also gone. Again, I sobbed for a solid week, desperately pained by this loss.

Now, we have welcomed Lillie our Beabrador and years later with a new husband, came a new puppy, Gracie. These animals love us so. They watch over us while we eat to ensure we don’t choke (that is what they do when they stare at me when I eat, right?)

"Watch" dogs over our meals.

“Watch” dogs over our meals.

They miss us when we’re away from the house. Even if we’re absent for a few short minutes, they greet us with enthusiasm as if we’d been away for months. Maybe to them, one hour feels like seven, just like dog years. I’ll admit, it’s a pretty great feeling to have pets jumping all over you expressing their love and devotion every time you enter a room. Gracie pines for my husband when he’s out of the house. She will sit in the window and await his return. She’s definitely his dog.

Gracie keeping a lookout for her "daddy" to return.

Gracie keeping a lookout for her “daddy” to return.

If you are fortunate enough to have a pet who’s waiting at home for you, who keeps your bed warm and feels comfortable enough to back it’s butt up to you while you sleep (as gross and annoying as it may be), accept the blessing.  Even though we may have many in our lifetimes, each one is special and each one is beautifully loved. These little charmers love us more than we now and to them, we are their whole world!

Quote Courtesy Josh Billings

Quote Courtesy Josh Billings

 

November 28, 2014
Encouragement

Jesus Loves You!

We hear this all the time: Jesus loves you!  It’s even a song. It’s an oft-heard phrase but have you ever really dissected that a bit and thought about how precious that really is? Sometimes we feel so small…we’re just one in a sea of billions of people on Earth. And there have been billions of people here before us and God loved them all. So what’s so special about me??  Let me tell you.

There may be billions of people but there’s none just like you or me or the guy down the street. We’re all uniquely different with our own oddities, quirks, features, characteristics, wants, needs, dreams. We often feel like the speck in “Horton Hears a Who.” Sometimes we feel so small,as if we’re a speck on the speck. But I’m telling you, He cares about everything you care about, simply because you care about it. If it’s important to you, it’s important to Him. If it hurts you, it hurts Him. He carries our burdens…willingly!

If you think of all the grains of sand on a beach, they’re too numerous to count. You couldn’t pick out a specific grain of sand. They all look the same! We’re those grains of sand–there are so many of us.  Except God can reach down and pluck out a “grain” and tell you all about that “grain”, what it looks like, feels like, what it cares about, where it’s been, where it’s going.  He can pick each one of us out of a crowd and knows everything about us at any time…because He loves us. I just wanted you to know.

November 6, 2014
Encouragement

What If We Were Kind?

Yesterday we had the privilege of voting in some pretty significant elections. Since the results came in, I’ve noticed a lot of fallout on social media. So many harsh words were being slung around. There were several mentions of folks unfriending others because they’d become aware of their opposing political stances. Strangers banded together to virtually gang up on a poster who held an unpopular viewwpoint. Personal attacks abound the internet this morning and it made me quite sad.

It’s been said never to discuss religion or politics, the theory being that any such discussions can never end well. I’d prefer to say we go ahead and participate in those discussions but do so with a clear head and respectfulness in your delivery. These discussions aren’t typically likely to lead to you swaying someone in your direction and the chances of that dive from slim to none if you’re berating them for disagreeing with you.

 

Upon reading some of these conversations, it made me wonder why many people are comfortable being so venomous towards one another. Sure, we all let a harsh word slip from time to time, but I’d like to think we’re immediately remorseful. 

Everyone knows how bad it feels when we are treated rudely and hopefully everyone also knows how much better it feels to be treated with kindness. The difference is profound. What if we all made a commitment, a sort of pact with ourselves, that any time we’re tempted to speak bitterly that we catch ourselves first and turn it around into positive thoughts or speech?

 

Instead of reprimanding that cashier who is grumpy or being a little too slow for your liking, try issuing a compliment. Notice how his or her demeanor changes, softens. I’m a firm believer that no one is chronically rude or cold simply because it’s a component of their personality. I believe (and I teach my children this) that unhappy folks have an underlying reason for their mood, a reason we may never know or see–a past hurt, a spouse who just abandoned them, an illness they’re fighting. 

Our words can be like tiny murders or they can be mighty encouragements. In the busyness of our days, let’s pause and really see others and extend some kindnesses. Watch how your compassionate actions impact the person on the receiving end. See how it impacts you. 

“Be kind to one another, tender-hearted, forgiving each others, just as Christ also has forgiven you.” ~ Ephesians 4:32

November 5, 2014
Breaking the Chains of Abuse
Abuse and Self Care

Breaking the Chains of Abuse

October is Domestic Violence Awareness Month. I could begin with startling statistics of “a woman is battered by her spouse every x seconds” or cite how many people die yearly at the hands of their partner. I’m sure the numbers would be sobering, scary, and sickening. They’re valuable numbers but sometimes they’re hard to reconcile. Would they alone move you to help or to recognize the signs in a friend or family member who may be on the receiving end of abuse? Sometimes we assume abuse is visible.  It isn’t always. Not all domestic abuse leaves a physical mark. Although when we think of an abusive situation, we may immediately think of a woman donning sunglasses to cover a blackened eye or long sleeves to cover bruises on her arms, physical abuse is not the only abuse that’s both painful and damaging.

Verbal and emotional abuse is typically invisible. It doesn’t leave a mark…on the outside. The scars and wounds that verbal and emotional abuse leave are usually hidden, often deep inside the victim.  In an ongoing abusive relationship of this type, the wounds sometimes rarely have a chance to heal over before they’re jabbed again, reopened and bleeding. The abuse is sometimes subtle to the casual observer. The abuser goes to great lengths to hide what he (or she) is up to. But for the person on the wrong end of the pain, it’s devastating, injurious, and demoralizing.

My experience with this is intimate. I was the abused. It was lonely, isolating, and humiliating. I felt I couldn’t confide in anyone because the behavior was so demeaning (and sometimes bizarre) that I felt no one could possibly understand and that everyone would judge. I never felt I deserved it or asked for it, but I also never understood it. I felt like he just couldn’t feel adequate unless he was making someone else (me) feel inadequate.  His deep need to feel superior and important fueled him and any time he could see me rise above his abuse, he would lay it on even harder to push me back down. He couldn’t tolerate me having any success or attention. It was all about power and manipulation and maintaining control over another person. It took me a long time to realize the things he called me and said about me had nothing to actually do with me, but they had everything to do with him.

The abuser in this sort of situation is usually savvy.  He or she knows when to strike and how. They are astute in knowing how much they can get away with in front of others and still come off looking like a devoted spouse. They are often narcissistic, blaming their significant other for anything and everything, because they (the abuser) are never at fault, not for anything. They cannot accept responsibility for their actions and regularly tell tall tales, tales in which they are always the hero. They pride themselves on being good providers, champions for their families, veritable saviors, so say their public personas.   All the while, they are berating the person they are supposed to cherish, at every turn. “You’re not good enough.”  “You don’t dress right.” “You can’t cook.” “You don’t really think you can accomplish that, do you?” “You’re lucky you have me or you’d be nowhere.”  “Nobody else could ever love you as much as I do.” They lead their mate to believe that the only thing that gives them the slightest amount of value is the fact that they (the abuser) give them the time of day.

Sometimes the abused start to believe the lies. Maybe they really don’t have value. Maybe they really don’t have anything to offer. Maybe they really are lucky to have him or her, because they’d be lost otherwise. Sometimes they just give up and give in, resigning themselves to the (false) fact that this is the type of existence they deserve, that this is all they will ever have, and that they just have to endure it. But they also probably very secretly wish their mate would just haul off and smack or punch them. Violent though it may sound, the physical pain would heal faster and hurt less than the emotional pain they feel with every insult slung at them.  And sometimes, they get their wish.  Often verbal and emotional abuse is a gateway to physical violence.

The world outside looks happier than the dark existence in which you’re living. Photo: Courtesy David Pickett Photography

 

Please don’t discount this type of abuse. Mental, emotional and verbal abuses are just as damaging and lasting as any other type of abuse. It hurts and wears on a person. People suffering with this need help just as much as any other type of abusive relationship. And many times things escalate into the physical. If you suspect a friend or loved one may be involved in a relationship of this nature, listen to your gut. Make note of those subtle, backhanded comments from the spouse or other suspicious behavior. Be available for them both and willing to help if the situation deems necessary. Everyone says a cross word to someone they love at some point or other and they’re sorry, make amends, and move on. But when it’s a habit and a means of controlling another individual, it’s abuse as sure as anything and it’s as painful as a fist to the face.

If you’re going through this lonely walk of pain, please know you’re not alone. You have nothing  to be ashamed about. You are good enough. You are worthy. Reach out to a trusted friend for help because you are worth saving. 

October 22, 2014