Unless you’ve been on an extended vacation on a remote island void of newspapers, television and internet access, you now know about the Josh Duggar molestation scandal.
What he did, of course, was unthinkable, unbelievable, and disgusting. But is it entirely unforgivable?
The debate begins apparently with how his parents handled it, what should have happened to him, and what should happen now.
The mere mention of the name “Duggar” can stir up angry conversation. Many people love the Duggars and applaud their lifestyle and the manner in which they choose to live and raise their family; the admire their deep faith. Others call them crazy, a cult, mentally ill, unrealistic, Bible thumpers. And those are the nicer adjectives.
But now the non-fans have gotten their wish: the Duggars have seemingly fallen. We now that they err and that not everything is hearts and flowers in their household. In other words, they’re human.
JimBob and Michelle have never claimed to be perfect. They’ve never claimed their lifestyle choice is perfect or that it’s for everyone. They’ve claimed to live how Jesus commands them to. They’ve been open about their personal pasts, mistakes they’ve made, and the reasons they choose to raise their family as they do. But the accusations that their choice to live a wholesome Christian lifestyle following Biblical principles is what caused their son to molest five young girls when he was a teenager, is preposterous and offensive.
I’ve seen no stories of anyone defending Josh’s actions, being impressed with his admission of guilt or excusing away his actions, not even him. What I have seen is harsh judgment directed at him and his parents. He harmed five girls in a way that will affect them for the rest of their lives, at least to some degree. Remember though, when he acted as he did, you was a young teenager too, obviously very troubled.
I cannot even fathom (and don’t want to try) the horror and agony JimBob and Michelle must have felt upon the discovery that their son was a child molester. Worst yet, that some of their other children may have been his victims. What should they have done? You want to protect and heal and create a cocoon of safety for your victimized children. But wouldn’t they want to do the very same for their son who was clearly unwell?
I’ve read conflicting story after conflicting story. As well, we’ve been told the police records have been destroyed. So where then are all these versions of the story coming from? First it was one girl, then five, now some were his sisters. First, Josh’s parents went immediately to the police, got counseling for him as well as the victims. He was sent away to live with another family. Then we read it was months, perhaps years, before police were notified. The officer working the case failed to follow up and fell to his own sexual sin. What is the truth?
The truth is, it’s none of our business. If the statute of limitations has run out, it’s a moot point to continue to call for the head of Josh Duggar on a stick. We can’t protect his children from him, but his wife can. One would hope, knowing of his past, that she keeps an eagle eye on him. While she may trust him, one would think that the knowledge of his actions live in the back of her mind and she’s mindful that he could “slip.”
The telling and re-telling of this story serves no purpose. The speculation and judgment serve no purpose. The media have exposed this story and for what? So the Duggar non-fans can finally say “I knew there was something not right about that family”? For money?
If there was an ounce of decency in hopes of helping the girls by outing their attacker and forcing him out of “hiding”, that’s an awful big risk, I say, because maybe that’s not what they wanted.
The only purpose it serves is to hurt. It has helped no one. No one kept the victims in mind and no one exercised even a modicum of compassion for the victims when releasing this story.
“Rejoice with those who rejoice; weep with those who weep.” Romans 12:15
Did anyone stop for one moment to think of all the work towards healing these victims have done in the past decade? Did anyone pause and consider that this information would dredge up every hurtful memory of their abuse and force them to relive it not just once, but every time they turn on the television, visit a store that has a newsstand, turn on the radio, or utilize the internet?
There is healing after abuse. But not if the story of their suffering is constantly thrown in their faces and advertised everywhere so the horror they suffered and likely hoped to keep private is now known by everyone in the free world (at least).
As a victim of sexual assault (not by a family member), I can tell you how mortifying, humiliating, painful, and damaging it would be to have to face my pain everywhere I turn; to have everyone I know now know what I never wanted them to; how sick it would feel to have to relive the abuse that I thought I had made great strides in healing from.
I am not a hypocrite for publishing this piece. I am not perpetuating their pain by issuing a plea to the media and public at large to leave this family alone. The authorities are aware of the situation. If they legally can, and see fit to take action, they will. There is no role the public serves in this situation. If you’re outraged by what’s happened to these girls (and we all should be), why not use your time, energy, and words to take actions to remove statutes of limitations on cases such as these. But don’t wave your flag of nobility with an outcry claiming you want justice for these girls when you’re the ones not allowing them to heal in private.
Volunteer at shelters or donate to victims funds to help survivors. Do something productive instead of ridiculing every part of this situation and submitting how much better you would have handled things. Stop spreading hatred and ire. The fact is, we don’t know all the facts. We likely never will. But we can use our mighty words and strength to help these girls by leaving them alone to nurse the wounds this media frenzy has reopened and help others who have suffered similar horrors as these victims.
And by all means, pray for this family, every member.
