Prom season is here and I read a recent statistic that the average cost of Prom is $900 per person. That’s nearly $2000 per couple! For Prom! I was stunned by this figure and when I was with a group of moms recently who expressed similar concern over the growing expenses surrounding Prom, I knew I wasn’t the only mom not fully in favor of such lavishness at these young ages. Now that my daughter is preparing for her own Prom, it’s given me pause to recollect the Proms of my high school days versus Prom of today.
Prom should be a fun night full of wonderful memories. But is it necessary to spend this amount of money and have such luxuries for Prom that rival a small wedding? What comprises this statistcal $900 per person?
Of course, there’s the dress and it’s perhaps the most important detail for us girls. When I went to my first prom as a high school sophomore, my frugal parents made me wear my sister’s bridesmaid’s dress she’d just worn for her best friend’s wedding. It wasn’t as heinous as it sounds…It was a pretty satin pastel pink dress with a sweetheart neckline and short puffy sleeves. It was long, of course, and required a hoop underneath it. This was en vogue back in the 1980s. In fact, my date’s sister had a dress almost identical to mine. I wore white pumps that I already owned, simple pearl jewelry, and I did my own hair, makeup, and nails, and no one that I know of even thought of paying someone to do their prom hairstyle or makeup.
My date and his mom came over to my house. We exchanged boutonniere and corsage and he looked snappy in his white Miami Vice tuxedo with pink tie and cummberbund, and my parents took pictures in front of our yellow rosebush of us together and with our parents, and that concluded the photography portion of the evening. We left in his vehicle and met some more couples and had dinner in a neighboring town at a pretty fancy restaurant on the water. It was lovely. That year, Prom was held at a country club where we danced the night away, up until about 11 p.m. that is, because that was my curfew (I was in tenth grade with strict parents. I was lucky to be allowed to go to Prom!). It was a nice time and fun to dress up, but there was no exorbitant expense, in fact quite to the contrary, yet we celebrated the teen ritual and had fun doing it.
Proms now are very different and far more costs are incurred. Now, there are “promposals” where the asker “proposes” prom to their potential date. Sometimes the request is simpler with a pizza delivery and “Prom?” spelled out in pepperoni. Sometimes it’s more elaborate. It’s a cute sentiment, but a simple “Would you like to go to Prom with me?” elicits the same result, no?
Jewelry is purchased to go with the (usually) expensive prom gown often purchased in bridal shops at a premium. (As noted, my first prom dress was free to me. My second, was $100 that I purchased with my own money and “way back then”, $100 was a pretty penny to pay for a prom dress). Tuxes are rented to coordinate with their date’s color scheme. But then the accoutrements grow from there. Salon appointments are made for perfectly coifed hair and sometimes decorative hair jewelry is purchased. Often, Prom prep begins in the tanning salon with tanning packages or a spray tan purchased for the big day. Manicures, pedicures, and makeup…and let’s not forget the right pair of shoes!
But the physical prep is just a part of the prom experience and a portion of the expense.
Instead of Mom and Dad taking photos with their Instamatic in the back yard, professional photographers are being hired for on-location shoots. While I think hiring a professional photographer for Prom is a bit extravagant, I do love candid and fun photographs. They make the event and seal the memories. Limos and party buses are popular now to chauffeur the party-goers. Fun? Of course. Luxurious and expensive? You bet. Don’t forget prom tickets and dinner at a usually swanky, expensive place to go along with the elegant formal wear.
I’ve made the run-down of prom expenses so now what? Is it too much? We want the kids to have fun and above all, be safe. Tangent Alert: We all know the shady behavior that Prom sometimes brings about: drinking and sex, neither of which I approve. Both of those are activities that should be set aside for adults because they’re adult behavior (and sex should be exclusive to marriage). End Tangent.
My concern with the costs and extravagance is two-fold: Does this high standard for Prom exclude students who might not be able to afford these luxuries or simply don’t want to pay for them? Is there great pressure to have an expensive dress, a perfect tan, professional nails and hair, a hired photographer and driver? Or is the Prom of old still acceptable and students could buy a pretty but modestly-priced gown, did your own hair and makeup, loved the skin you’re in, drove yourself or your date in your dad’s car, and met at the park with friends where all your parents took tons of photos that would put paparazzi to shame?
There’s one evolution about Prom that I am quite happy about: Kids no longer require a date to attend. When I was in high school, it wasn’t so well accepted just yet for a group of girls (or guys) to show up as friends and without dates. It’s so good to see that the pressure is off and if someone wants to go to Prom, no date is required. In fact, the unencumbered Prom-goers might even have more fun without any dating pressure.
Is it simply all too much? If our kids are engaging in many of the activities that were previously reserved for weddings–professionally done hair, makeup, and nails, rented transportation, proposals, paid photographers–what do they have to look forward to when planning similar activities as adults?
As you prepare your children for Prom this season (or next or in five years), what will you be willing or able to pony up for? Will you give your child a budget that they must stick to? Or will you adapt a more “the sky’s the limit” approach?
I’m all for spoiling our kids a little now and then, assuming they appreciate it. I will be paying for a professional updo for my daughter. She got a gorgeous dress at a fabulous deal that you wouldn’t believe if I told you. She found modestly priced, pretty jewelry that she’ll be able to wear again. She’s wearing favorite shoes she already owns. She will go with a good girl friend and they will have a photo shoot done by a professional, but I’m married to the photographer so we are getting a fabulous deal (free!). They will have a nice dinner out and then dance the night away at the beautiful formal venue our schools chose for Prom. My hope is it will be a magical night where she will feel like the princess that she is and she will laugh and dance, and feel free and alive and tell her children about it someday the way I tell my children about my Prom memories which have nothing to do with how much was spent and everything to do with the adventure and laughs.
