“Let them” has become a popular phrase recently. Two words that wield great power. Let me tell you about the power of let them. “Let them” might mean something different to you than it does to me.
Let them feels like freeing words. “Let them” dislike me. “Let them” gossip about me. “Let them” criticize me. “Let them” not like my posts or not follow me or block me or unfriend me. Let them.
It doesn’t mean we shouldn’t have any feelings if people do such things. It means (to me) that we brush it off, let it go. As quickly as possible. If people unlike, dislike, unfriend, block, unfollow, gossip about, or ghost you, they’re not for you. Why hang on to what’s not for you any longer than necessary?
I’m turning 53 this month. With age has come confidence. I’m confident in who I am. I have a wonderful husband, two amazing children, a great son-in-love, two faithful pugs, a good extended family, and a few really good friends. (Who needs more than a few?) I’m firm in my faith and close to my family. I have a comfortable home to live in, safe cars to transport us, full pantry shelves, and healthcare. Though I have multiple difficult chronic illnesses, I refuse to complain too much. I am blessed. So with all that going for me, why do I care what anyone else really thinks of me?
Don’t get me wrong, I’ve worried…fretted even…about what people thought of me. Junior high type stuff like “why didn’t many people like my post?” or “why don’t they like me?” or “why didn’t I get invited?” But not anymore. If you don’t want to invite me, it’s okay. I don’t want to go where I’m not wanted. If you don’t like me, that’s cool. I like me. If people don’t like my posts or don’t follow me, it doesn’t bother me. If you’re not here for what I post about, then it’s okay if you don’t want to be here.
I’m not everyone’s cup of tea and I’ve never tried to be. I don’t want to conform just so more people will like me. I’ve been a pushover for most of my life but God has really grown me the past couple of years. This year already. This year especially.
My former spouse-my abuser-taught me well how to swallow my feelings, how to put up to shut up. He trained me to believe I didn’t matter, that my feelings didn’t. To believe that I was wrong no matter the situation. That I’m to blame regardless of what for.
And that training got deep into my head. I believed every word for quite awhile, even beyond his death when nobody was drilling those lies into my head anymore. When I was truly free from that bondage of abuse, I started to see myself through God’s eyes. I am fearfully and wonderfully made. I am priceless. He knit me together in my mother’s womb, meaning He cared about me long before I got here. He cares about what I care about. God sees me as a brilliant being. His favorite of all His creations are US.
Knowing my Creator believes and knows this to be true about me, how could I possibly believe any less about myself?
How could you believe any less about yourself?
Abusers, mean people, people who don’t like us want us to believe “the less”. We’re much easier to affect and control. Our feelings are controlled by what others think of us. We feel good if they respond well to us, pump us up or like us. We feel bad, if they don’t.
I’ve quit allowing that. Certainly, I have feelings so while it might sting to discover someone I thought was a friend has unsubscribed from my blog (it’s free to support your friends with likes, shares or email subscriptions, by the way) or unfriended me, I’m no longer focused on it. Feel the sting, shake the stinger off quickly. It doesn’t mean they’re bad people but give thanks for the knowledge that they aren’t for you and focus elsewhere.
Focus your energy on people who are there for you, who show up for you, who signal to you that they’re interested in who you are and what you do, and engage in mutual support. Don’t chase people who don’t want to be caught.
“Let them” also means to me something deeper from my faith perspective. As a Christian, I know what the Bible says. I know this world is fleeting. What people in general think of me or if they like me, are things that just do not matter. I know people hate me for being a believer. I’ve been scoffed and laughed at, ridiculed for it. But I know how this story ends. I know where my identity lives. I know my purpose is to show people Jesus and let them decide for themselves what they think.
So I move forward, away from opinions and toward the truth of who I am. I love people. I have enormous empathy and compassion for pretty much everyone. My focus is on my small circle of trust and my life, my husband and kids, our home, my faith, our business, and my writing.
And I “let them.” Let people think what they want about me, say what they want, judge me how they choose, make fun of my outfits or my videos or criticize me or not choose me or walk away from long-term friendships. I have to “let them” because I can’t control them and I cannot allow myself to be leveled by the insecurities of others. I simply cannot. It’s the insecurities of others, after all, that allow them to talk about people in small ways or to ghost them instead of having adult conversations.
My beautiful friends, let them.
Be your beautiful, brave self and muster all the courage you can and live with wild abandon. If you’re not there yet, wait until you’re 50. Wild abandon, shedding the opinions of others, living in great confidence are the name of the game here.
Need encouragement or a listening ear? I’m your gal. Feel free to comment or message me through my blog or my social media. I’m a great friend and excellent listener. I’m @melaniespickett on Instagram and I answer my DMs.
You are a loved, precious, beautiful being,
If you’d like to learn more about me, start here with my trauma story.
